I Paused Last Week. Did You Notice? A Saturday Reflection 🖤
Why I didn't show up the way I planned
Last week, I didn’t publish.
I didn’t release the final two episodes of Dates You Can’t Delete.
I didn’t engage the way I normally do.
I didn’t push through.
And I want to tell you why.
🗓 The Date My Body Remembers
Last week marked two years since my mother passed.
I don’t call it an anniversary. An anniversary implies celebration.
This is a remembrance. A marking. A date that lives in my body whether I circle it on a calendar or not.
As the week approached, I told myself I felt fine. I had a plan. Episodes scheduled. Engagement mapped. Work commitments stacked.
But my body knew before my mind admitted it.
There is a quiet heaviness that creeps in. Not dramatic. Not debilitating. Just dormant melancholy. A softness around the edges.
I have learned not to ignore that anymore. So I did what I share with others to do. I paused.
Here are three ways that showed up last week.
🕯 Seventeen Lights Instead of Two Episodes
Instead of pushing content, I chose Seventeen Lights and Acts of Kindness.
A few weeks ago, I shared that I would give away a complimentary year of The Mourning Manager™ to 17 individuals who need it. That felt aligned. My mom was a giver. Generosity was her reflex.
So I leaned into that.
If you know someone who could use this space, simply respond to this note with their name and email. 🖤 On the 28th, I will select 17 names.
Beyond that, I kept it simple.
• I tipped the Instacart driver $17
• I sent unexpected notes of encouragement
• I spent time with my small joys including my favorite candles, coffee and bubbles (and read a few magazines - yes I read and actually enjoy physical magazines lol)
Those acts did not erase the grief. But they gave it direction. There is a difference between distraction and redirection.
I did not avoid the feelings. I just chose where the energy would land.
🗣 Language Matters
I refused to call the date my Mom passed an anniversary.
It is the date she passed. It is not the measure of her life.
When we change language, we change power. That shift alone protected me.
⏸ Pause Is a Leadership Skill
I had two episodes left in the Dates You Can’t Delete series to record. I planned to push through.
But here is the truth:
Leadership that ignores capacity eventually collapses. So I modeled what I teach.
I paused. Not because I couldn’t do it. But because I did not need to push through this time.
There is strength in restraint.
If you noticed the pause, thank you for your grace. If you didn’t notice, that’s okay too. The point is not whether you saw it. The point is that I honored it.
So let me ask you:
✨ What date is approaching that your body already feels?
✨ Will you pause when it does?
New reflections resume this week.
The final two episodes of the Dates You Can’t Delete series are coming too.
If you need to catch up visit the page here.
But last week, I protected the space. And that was the right decision.
This week…I’m back at it friends,
Carolyn’s Daughter 🖤
❤️🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽